


cardigan

by h0lyheadharpies



Series: Caught In a Summer Love Affair [3]
Category: Anne of Green Gables (TV 1985) & Related Fandoms, Anne of Green Gables - L. M. Montgomery, Anne with an E (TV), Green Gables Fables, L.M. Montgomery's Anne of Green Gables (2016)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Folklore, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Taylor Swift, Loss of Virginity, Minor Character Death, Miscarriage, Smut, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-17
Updated: 2020-08-17
Packaged: 2021-03-06 06:21:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25948762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/h0lyheadharpies/pseuds/h0lyheadharpies
Summary: Ever since that day where they had reconciled on the front porch of Green Gables, Gilbert had proven himself time and again.Part 3 of 3 based on the Teenage Love Triangle of folklore.
Relationships: Gilbert Blythe & Anne Shirley, Gilbert Blythe/Anne Shirley
Series: Caught In a Summer Love Affair [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1858894
Comments: 12
Kudos: 100





	cardigan

**Author's Note:**

> Reading the two predecessors to this fic isn't necessary, but it might make more sense if you do. Put together, they're a bit shorter than this one, I promise!

_Vintage tee, brand new phone  
High heels on cobblestones  
When you are young, they assume you know nothing  
Sequin smile, black lipstick  
Sensual politics  
When you are young, they assume you know nothing_

Being the new girl positively sucked. Middle school was awkward enough since it was the beginning of adolescence. Boys and girls were beginning to acknowledge their differences and suddenly, the idea that all members of the opposite sex had cooties seemed silly. Bodies were changing, cliques were developing, and the drama was out of control.

A spritely young girl of eleven, Anne Shirley felt that she stood out like a sore thumb from the moment she set food in Avonlea Middle School with her bright orange hair, second-hand clothes, and bony, underdeveloped frame. Many of the girls in her class were officially beyond the need of training bras and wore some degree of makeup—even Diana Barry, the only person she had met since the Cuthberts had adopted her, wore a little bit of lip gloss and mascara. If Marilla had allowed it, Anne would have loved to cover her many freckles.

Anne did her best to keep her head down that first day. She made polite conversation with Diana’s friends when introduced—though she felt inadequate next to the girls who were all wearing the latest back-to-school fashions—and exchanged numbers with them, blushing furiously when she had to explain that her basic prepaid mobile didn’t receive texts. She would have maintained her low profile if only she hadn’t heard the most attractive boy in their class compare her hair to the carrots on his lunch tray. Her temper had gotten the better of her and by the end of the day, everyone was talking about how the new girl had poured her milk over Gilbert Blythe’s head at lunch. If that wasn’t enough, Gilbert Blythe happened to be in all of her accelerated classes with his stupid, smug face and frustratingly brilliant intelligence.

Their feud continued for two years, both fighting for the top spot in class. In that time, Anne had managed to convince Marilla to let her wear just a little makeup. She had gotten a new phone—with which she could finally text—and Diana’s circle had adopted her with minimal drama…with girls like Tillie Boulter and Josie Pye, there was always going to be drama, but nothing Anne couldn’t handle.

It began when their teachers collectively seemed to decide that they were over Anne and Gilbert’s incessant bickering and the two found themselves partnered together in every class. At first, Anne had protested miserably but since none of the educators would give in to her pleas to work with _literally_ anyone else… It was much harder to compete for the top marks when the person you were trying to beat was turning in the exact same coursework.

By the end of Grade 8, the two were spending a significant amount of time together. Anne might even go so far as to call them friends. They spent many afternoons that summer venturing in the woodlands surrounding Avonlea, daring each other to explore their surroundings to the fullest, always competing over the silliest of things. One such afternoon, they were arguing over who was better at climbing trees and Anne dared Gilbert to climb to the top of the tallest tree on the edge of his parents’ orchard. When he fell out, breaking his arm in the process, Anne stayed with him, hysterical with guilt the entire time they sat in the waiting room of the hospital in Charlottetown and while the doctor set his arm in a cast. From that moment on, they were inseparable.

* * *

_And when I felt like I was an old cardigan  
Under someone's bed  
You put me on and said I was your favourite_

Although Anne was no longer the new girl, high school brought on a whole new set of challenges. The drama of middle school now seemed trivial at best. Suddenly people were more focused on who was dating whom and all the trials and tribulations that came with teenage romances living under the microscope of one’s peers. Early on, Anne had managed to catch the attention of popular upperclassman, Roy Gardner. To Anne’s surprise—and Gilbert’s chagrin—their Honours English classmate appeared to take a liking to her.

Roy was unlike any guy she had ever met. He could recite poetry from memory and often did so to Anne, who usually blushed scarlet while Gilbert silently rolled his eyes beside her. Despite her long-held belief that she was to be the bride of adventure, Roy fit the romantic ideal she had created in her head based on the fanciful stories was always reading.

When Roy asked her to the Homecoming dance, Anne was beyond delighted. She and Diana—who was going with Fred Wright—spent an entire Sunday afternoon at the mall, shopping for dresses and accessories. Anne spent nearly two hours on her hair and makeup and a further two hours waiting for Roy to show up. He never did.

Instead of spending her Saturday night at a school dance, Anne spent it crying into Gilbert’s shoulder on the couch at Green Gables. He never chastised Anne, nor did he comment on how her mascara was staining one of his favourite shirts. He just held her and let her cry, occasionally telling her how she could do so much better. Nothing could ease the humiliation she felt, but Gilbert made her feel safe and warm, like she needn’t worry about the outside world or what it thought of her as long as she had him by her side.

* * *

_But I knew you  
Dancin' in your Levi's  
Drunk under a streetlight, I  
I knew you  
Hand under my sweatshirt  
Baby, kiss it better_

Something changed in Anne that night of the homecoming dance, though she couldn’t quite place it until the following summer when she found Gilbert repairing his parents’ fence shirtless. All of a sudden, she found herself crushing on her best friend despite her best efforts to push her feelings deep down, afraid of losing Gilbert if she ever confessed. Little did she know, the boy in question had been harbouring similar affections toward her for years, maybe even going as far back as the day he called her Carrots and she poured her milk over his head.

It’s crazy when Anne thinks about it; one day, they were eleven and he was teasing her over the colour of her hair and the next, she was on the cusp of sixteen—and he sixteen already—wishing that he would call her Carrots again if it meant she got to call him hers.

Weeks later, it took an insane amount of courage (and just a tiny bit of eggnog spiked by the Blythes’ farmhand, Bash) for Anne to kiss him beneath the mistletoe in the Sloanes’ barn.

Agreeing to be Gilbert’s girlfriend was perhaps the easiest choice Anne ever made. If he had made her feel safe and cared for in the few short years that they had been friends, it was nothing compared to how he made her feel as a boyfriend. Whenever they were together, Anne never felt more loved or secure—even though she loved her adopted guardians so very much, there was something about Gilbert that was all-encompassing.

The first time she let his hands wander beneath her shirt, he struggled with the clasp of her bra. It was endearing, the way Gilbert batted her hands away, determined to succeed of his own volition. She couldn’t help but chuckle over how adorably proud of himself Gilbert looked when he finally managed to get the clasp undone. As they continued to exchange lazy kisses, Gilbert’s hands squeezing and massaging her breasts beneath the thick, woolly jumper, Anne decided that in Gilbert’s arms was one of her favourite places to be.

* * *

_A friend to all is a friend to none  
Chase two girls, lose the one  
When you are young, they assume you know nothing_

Anne remembered the fight that nearly destroyed everything so vividly. Diana’s Aunt Josephine had invited them all to her annual summer soiree, a large formal even in Charlottetown that Anne had been looking forward to for months. She and Diana had spent hours searching for the perfect dresses to wear to the occasion and Anne simply couldn’t wait for Gilbert to see what she had chosen; a full-length pale green cocktail dress with a deep emerald lace overlay.

Gilbert had wanted to pick Anne up, bring her flowers for the occasion, but Dr. Ward was performing a procedure that afternoon and Gilbert simply could not get out of his observation hours. Anne had been surprisingly understanding when Gilbert had informed her that he would be arriving late to the party, but would meet her there as soon as he could.

When he saw her, Gilbert could not deny her beauty—not that he ever had been able to—she was absolutely stunning. She also appeared to have her arms around the neck of a familiar-looking blonde boy as they danced close together. Gilbert felt his heart sink with the weight of a flurry of different emotions. He wanted to trust Anne, she had never given him any reason not to, but she looked so happy dancing and laughing with that other boy and—did she just kiss his cheek?

Gilbert could hardly contain himself. As soon as the song ended, he approached his girlfriend and her newfound companion. “Anne, a word?” he asked, skipping the formalities.

“Gilbert—” Anne was cut short by the boy gently tugging her arm, leading her to the front door so that they could speak in privacy, somewhere where they would be able to hear each other clearly.

“What was that?” she asked him angrily once they were outside.

“I should be asking you the same thing!”

“Gilbert, that was Cole McKenzie. You don’t have to worry; he’s just a dear friend.”

“You two looked awfully close.”

“Why can’t you trust me?” Anne couldn’t hide the hurt and anger in her voice even if she wanted to. She should be able to dance with whomever she like. She didn’t owe Gilbert any explanations. The only explanation, the truth, would require that she out her friend and she could never betray Cole’s trust in such a way. Besides, if Gilbert couldn’t see how much she cared for him—and him alone—after everything their friendship and relationship had endured.

“I—”

“No, Gilbert, I don’t think I can be with someone who doesn’t trust me!” Anne stormed back into the house, leaving Gilbert standing in the front yard alone.

In the weeks following their fight, Anne was miserable. She missed Gilbert terribly and though he had called her phone to the point of exhaustion and even dropped by Green Gables once or twice, she was too upset to hear anything he had to say that first week.

Three weeks was sufficient time for Anne to calm down. She was still upset that Gilbert didn’t trust her enough to believe that she felt nothing for Cole. However, she missed him terribly and decided that she would rather prove herself to Gilbert rather than live without him. So, when he turned up on her doorstep, Anne accepted his apology, and everything went back to normal for a little while.

When Anne found out that Gilbert had been with someone else, it was as if her world had stopped. Every book she had ever read had instilled in her a strong sense of independence, a belief that nothing good ever came from placing one’s hopes on a boy. For the longest time, Anne had thought Gilbert to be the exception.

How could he do such a thing? Especially after he had suggested that he didn’t trust her not to cheat. Anne couldn’t believe the hypocrisy. She didn’t want to believe it, but Jane had shown her the photographic evidence, posted on Instagram for all to see. Worse yet, he had come grovelling back to Anne as if nothing had happened. Was he still seeing this girl? Had he been seeing her all along?

As soon as Anne was in the confines of her bedroom, she had looked up Winifred Rose’s Instagram account, hoping to find something in that photo which would prove the rumours to be wrong, but all it did was make Anne feel worse. Winifred was beautiful; no wonder Gilbert had gone crawling to her in wake of their fight.

Diana was Anne’s fiercest ally, arriving to pick Anne up far earlier than she needed to for their first day of school so that she would have time to switch her homeroom. She arranged for Anne to be surrounded by at least two of their friends whenever there was a chance that Gilbert might be around. She lent Anne a shoulder to cry on and dragged her to every senior class activity in the hopes that distractions might help her move on. Diana watched over Anne as she wallowed over her broken heart and in the end, she helped Gilbert patch things up, too.

* * *

_But I knew you  
Playing hide-and-seek and  
Giving me your weekends, I  
I knew you  
Your heartbeat on the High Line  
Once in twenty lifetimes_

None of Anne’s friends could understand why she accepted his apology so readily, how she could forgive him so easily for the emotional wounds that he had inflicted. But what they failed to realise was that there was a fine line between trust and forgiveness. Anne really cared for—possibly even loved—Gilbert. She chose to forgive him in spite of what he had done, but that did not mean she trusted him. No, with a few rash decisions, Gilbert had managed to disintegrate any ounce of trust he had earned from Anne in the six years they had known each other.

They were back together, but Anne’s heart was guarded. She was constantly worried that she might wake up one morning and find that Gilbert had left her for Winifred. Anne also feared that admitting those fears might send Gilbert running back. Why would he want her, an insecure teenager, when he could be with someone so self-assured as Winifred? So Anne let her feelings bottle up inside. She let Gilbert take her on dates, spent Saturday afternoons cuddled up with him under their tree or on his parents’ couch but she wasn’t as carefree as she had been before; unable to give herself so freely to Gilbert as she once had. She loved him, deep down she knew that she did, but she was so afraid to admit it, knowing that if Gilbert found solace in another woman again, it just might break her.

In the months following their reunion, Gilbert’s guilt never subsided. He did everything in his power to show Anne that he cared for her, _only her_ , but the there was an unspoken tension between them. Anne was noticeably distant. Every touch, every kiss they had exchanged prior to that dreadful night in July had been exhilarating. So much of the physical side to their relationship had been initiated by Anne, but now Gilbert found himself taking charge completely. Anne would kiss him back fervently—a gentle reminder to Gilbert that she was still attracted to him in some capacity—but long gone were the days where Anne pulled him close. Long gone were the moments beneath their tree where she would set her book down and turn her head just so from her position between his legs to press light kisses to his jawline.

Gilbert often felt like he was walking on eggshells around Anne, who had become more subdued in the weeks since they had reconciled. Still reeling with guilt, Gilbert tried his best to spend any free time he had with Anne, wanting to show her that he was entirely devoted to rebuilding their relationship and regaining her trust. One such Saturday in early December, he took her for lunch at their favourite little café in Charlottetown with plans to do some Christmas shopping after.

The couple sat at a small table along the wall near a blazing fireplace—as far from the door as possible to avoid the harsh wind-chill of the winter air outside. Gilbert was animatedly telling Anne about his recent tour of McGill University’s medical facilities when the door burst open and a gaggle of young women came in, brushing the snow from their winter coats as they approached the barista counter. Gilbert, who was facing away from the counter, was oblivious to this but soft blonde curls peeking out from beneath a pale pink toque caught Anne’s attention almost instantly as she recognised the woman from Instagram. Sure enough, Winifred Rose and her friends were ordering drinks at the counter.

Anne couldn’t help but wonder what kind of drink the sophisticated-looking girl was asking for. She was probably ordering a skinny oat-milk latte or a cappuccino with light foam. Suddenly, Anne felt quite childish sipping her peppermint hot chocolate. If Winifred had looked gorgeous in her photos, she was absolutely stunning in person. _No wonder Gilbert chose her. She’s so beautiful. Not a single strand of orange hair or freckle in sight…_ Anne sighed sadly.

“What is it, Anne?” Gilbert asked concerned. “I know we’re both hoping for Toronto, but McGill wouldn’t be that bad, would it?”

Anne furrowed her brow. It was then that Gilbert realised she hadn’t been paying attention, nor had he noticed Winifred, who was now seated only a few tables away from them. Anne just stared at him sadly. “What’s wrong, Anne?”

“N-nothing. I’m fine, really.”

Now, Gilbert had made many mistakes in his day and he was well aware of that fact but even he knew that when a girl said she was fine, she was usually anything but. He stared into Anne’s eyes and noticed that she kept sneaking subtle glances over his shoulder. Turning his head slightly, he saw a familiar head of blonde curls, laughing with a group of girls he had never seen before, though one looked like she might be Jane Andrews’ elder sister. Turning his attention back to Anne, he reached across the table to squeeze her hand gently.

“She’s beautiful,” Anne breathed, shoulders slumped glumly. “I can’t for the life of me comprehend why you would want to date someone like me when she’s clearly interested in you.” A tidal wave of guilt flooded Gilbert’s heart, knowing that _he_ was the reason his gorgeous girlfriend was doubting herself.

“But you’re _ethereal,_ ” Gilbert reassured firmly. “And there was never a question; the entire time I was with her, I couldn’t stop thinking about _you_.” He paused for a moment before standing up and tugging Anne to her feet before taking his coat off the back of his chair, encouraging his girlfriend to follow suit. When they were all bundled up to face the elements, Gilbert took her hand again, leading her to the door.

“Gil, what—”

“Gilbert?” Winifred unintentionally cut Anne off as the couple walked past her table. _She even has a British accent. Of course she does_ , Anne thought, her spirits sinking.

“Hi Winifred.” He was careful to avoid calling her ‘Winnie’ so as not to further play into Anne’s insecurities. “This is Anne, the love of my life,” he introduced the redhead who was standing shyly beside him, trying her best to hold things together.

Winnie smiled at Anne, pleased to see that Gilbert had been successful in making up with the redhead. Anne returned the smile weakly, purely out of politeness, genuinely surprised at Winifred’s reaction to Gilbert calling her the love of his life.

“We were just on our way to do a bit of Christmas shopping,” Gilbert told her.

“Oh, how lovely. I won’t keep you from it then. Happy Christmas Gilbert, Anne.” Winnie’s tone was cheerful. “And it was lovely to meet you, Anne. You’re just as beautiful as Gilbert described,” she added, causing Anne to blush.

“Thank you. Merry Christmas to you, too.”

“Merry Christmas, Winnie,” Gilbert added before leading Anne toward the door, their hands still firmly laced together.

As the two stepped out into the cold air, Gilbert’s words kept replaying in Anne’s head. _He called me the love of his life. Winifred didn’t seem bothered in the slightest._

“Everything alright?” Gilbert asked, breaking the silence that had fallen between them as they walked the streets of Charlottetown.

“Absolutely,” Anne grinned, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. For the first time in months, she finally began to trust again.

* * *

_And when I felt like I was an old cardigan  
Under someone's bed  
You put me on and said I was your favourite_

Ever since their run-in with Winifred, Gilbert had taken extra care to ensure that Anne knew that loving her was never just a choice for him. In turn, Anne began to open up more. Their relationship wasn’t as light-hearted as it had once been, before Winifred entered the picture. However, the trust that Anne had put in Gilbert long ago, slowly but surely began to return. By mid-January, Anne was more forthcoming with her affection toward her boyfriend and by March, they were back to spending lazy afternoons exploring each other’s bodies whenever one of them had an empty house, never going any further than hands wandering below the belt.

Anne was hesitant, and Gilbert was respectful of her decision to wait. As much as Anne wanted to experience everything with Gilbert, she constantly worried that he was bound to compare her to Winifred and she knew that there was no way she, an inexperienced skinny girl with way too many freckles could compete with someone so stunning who clearly knew what she was doing. However, Anne was equally worried that if she held out too long, Gilbert might grow bored and find himself in Winnie’s arms yet again. So she made arrangements for them to spend the night together after their prom, booking a room at the hotel where the event was taking place. She was evidently nervous and jittery most of the evening, something which did not go unnoticed by Gilbert.

“No, Anne, you’re not ready,” he insisted once they retired to their room. As soon as the door had closed behind them, Anne had practically jumped Gilbert, but her hands were shaking as she undid the buttons on his tux.

“I want this, Gil. If we’re going to be living together next year, I might as well get it over with,” she pleaded, causing Gilbert to take a step backward, taken aback by the words that were so unlike his girlfriend who—for as long as he had known her—had been a big fan of romance. Sleeping with someone “just to get it over with” was as unromantic a thing as Gilbert could think of. Anne looked at him crestfallen, tears in her eyes. “You don’t want me, do you?” she asked quietly.

Gilbert took a step forward and wrapped his arms around Anne, enveloping her in a tight hug. “That’s not it at all, Anne-girl.” He stepped back and took her hands in his. “When we finally have sex, it should be because we’re both ready for it, not because you feel obligated.”

Anne grumbled something along the lines of, “Obviously you were ready months ago.” In any other situation, Gilbert might have gotten angry and snapped at her. However, her words only caused him to feel the pangs of guilt that hit him less frequently as time went on. “I don’t know that I was.” He sat on the edge of the bed and gestured for Anne to sit beside him. “I was heartbroken and wanted to feel something, but I regretted it every time.”

“You did?” Anne was surprised. Well aware of how beautiful Winifred was, she had always assumed that Gilbert had simply wanted someone better than her. “But Winifred’s beautiful.”

Gilbert nodded. “She’s not you. I felt nothing for her at all. When we finally… _make love…_ it’s going to be incredible, but only if it happens on our own terms.”

Anne sighed, feeling a bit better. Gilbert wasn’t flat out rejecting her; he was just saying _not now._ Anne could deal with that.

“I don’t know about you,” Gilbert added, standing to remove his tux jacket, “but I am positively worn out from all that dancing. What do you say we settle in and watch a movie?”

Anne nodded. In no time, they were wrapped up in each other under the blankets, exchanging gentle kisses until they fell asleep under the glow of the television.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Months later, Anne and Gilbert were reading—well, Anne was reading; Gilbert was dosing as Anne carded her fingers through his curls— beneath their tree as they often did when the weather was just so. The late June air was warm under the glow of the sun, but the tree’s sturdy branches provided shade complemented by a cool breeze. It was a perfectly lovely day to sit outside. Until it wasn’t. As the clouds rolled in, a cool raindrop landing on Gilbert’s forehead pulled him from slumber, his sudden movement pulling Anne’s attention from her book.

“I think it’s about to rain, Anne-girl,” Gilbert told her, a sleepy tone to his voice. “We should probably head in soon.”

“Oh, I’m sure it’s nothing, Gil,” Anne protested. She was about to add to that when a loud crack of thunder shook them. Sure enough, a storm was rolling through and they were caught in the thick of it.

While streaks of lightning lit the sky, the couple made a run for the Blythes’ house. By the time they reached the front door, both Anne and Gilbert were a sopping mess and Anne’s book was positively ruined.

As Gilbert led Anne into the house, she stared sadly at the book in her hand. “I was almost near the end, too,” she sighed.

“It’s not like you don’t already know what happens.” Gilbert chuckled. “Besides, this is just another excuse to explore those used bookstores when we get to Toronto.”

Anne smiled up at her boyfriend. As soon as they had found a place to live near the university, she had begun scoping out the literary scene.

“Anyways,” Gilbert added, “we should probably change out of our wet clothes before we get sick.”

Anne followed Gilbert up the stairs and down the hall to his bedroom where he attempted to turn the light on to no avail. “Power must be out,” he reasoned aloud on his way to his closet. “Now, anything I have is going to be way too big, but I might have an old pair of sweatpants that shouldn’t be _too_ long on you.”

As Gilbert searched the contents of the armoire in the corner of his room, Anne watched her boyfriend in awe. She would have been happy with anything, but the fact that he was going through the effort of trying to find something that she would be most comfortable in was yet another reason why she loved him. Suddenly, her failed attempt to seduce him after prom seemed silly. She wasn’t ready then, but now…

When Gilbert retrieved what he had been looking for, he turned to find his girlfriend standing before him in just her bra and panties, damp clothing discarded in a pile at her feet. Gilbert barely had time to register what was happening before Anne’s lips were on his, her fingers tugging at the hem of his own shirt. Getting the shirt up and over his head proved to be a struggle given how wet it was, but it provided Anne with good opportunity to speak up.

“I think I’m ready, Gil,” she breathed, staring into his eyes once they succeeded in discarding the damp garment. Gilbert’s eyes widened as he trailed his fingers up and down her bare waist.

“A-are you sure?” he asked, wanting to be certain. Anne seemed much more self-assured than she had last time they had broached the subject, but Gilbert wanted to make sure that she was well and truly ready before acting on the desire that had been building for years. Anne nodded assuredly, and Gilbert’s lips instantly found hers as they met in a searing kiss.

Gilbert’s hands wandered higher as Anne found his zipper. Getting his jeans off in their rain-soaked state proved to be even more difficult than removing his shirt, but together they both managed, lips locked together the entire time. Kicking his jeans from around his ankles, Gilbert walked Anne backwards toward his bed, laying her down gently before straddling her. They had been in this position several times before; Anne was well-versed in finding a rhythm that would have Gilbert spilling over her hand and Gilbert could get her off with his fingers almost effortlessly. This time, however felt different. It _was_ different. As Gilbert unhooked her bra and rolled one nipple between his fingertips until it pebbled, Anne gasped against his lips. Gilbert took this as an invitation to trail his lips down her neck and across her collar bone before taking the other one between his teeth experimentally, causing Anne to arch her back up toward him. Gilbert continued to trail his lips lower, stopping just above the lace trim on Anne’s panties, locking eyes with her in seek of approval. Incapable of words, Anne simply nodded.

If he was being completely honest, Gilbert had no idea what he was doing; in the handful of times that he had slept with Winnie, she had been completely in control. Aside from a few quick hand jobs to bring him to full hardness before rolling on the condom, Winnie stuck to penetrative sex, the only variety being the various positions she had coaxed him into. He didn’t know if he would have been willing to use his mouth on the girl, but Anne…Anne he wanted to worship as if she were the most important thing in the world. She _was_ the most important part of his world; his universe always seemed to orbit around her in a way that it never could anyone else.

Gilbert trailed kisses down along one side of the trimmed, orange strip of hair leading down to her centre before experimentally licking a stripe between her folds. She was slick on his tongue, and her body clearly enjoyed his ministrations as she arched into him, letting out an uncontrollably loud moan that went straight to his cock. Sucking at her clit, Gilbert ran two fingers through the wetness between her lips before plunging them into her centre and crooking them to find the spot that he knew could cause her to cry out his name in ecstasy. As she clenched around his hand, he could tell that she was getting close and removed his fingers, causing Anne to whimper at the loss.

Sitting back just a bit, Gilbert hooked his fingers into his own waistband, looking to Anne for confirmation before he slid his boxer briefs down to his ankles and kicked them in the direction of his floor. Rolling off of Anne, he reached into his bedside table to retrieve the small box of condoms and bottle of lube he had gone out and purchased the day after prom. Knowing to buy lube was perhaps the only good that came of his trysts with Winnie. He wasn’t entirely sure why they needed it when Anne was already very wet, but Winifred had always coated his cock with lube before sinking onto it, so he assumed that there had to be some benefit to using it.

He tore at the plastic wrap encasing the box with his teeth before removing one of the foil packets and opening it in the same fashion. Carefully, he rolled the condom over his hard shaft and drizzled lube over it before positioning himself between Anne’s spread legs.

“Are you sure you’re ready, Anne-girl?” Gilbert asked firmly, silently praying that she had no reservations.

Anne nodded.

“I need to hear you say it, Anne.” He would never forgive himself if he did anything to make her regret her decision.

“Yes, Gil. _Fuck me_ ,” she breathed, the bluntness of her words lighting a fire within him. Hooking his hands into the backs of her knees, Gilbert pulled Anne toward him before teasing her centre with the tip of his cock.

Slowly, Gilbert pressed into Anne, who gasped in pain at the sudden intrusion. She could feel Gilbert’s body tense above hers and blushed deep as her eyes welled with tears. _I doubt_ she _cried during sex,_ Anne thought, ashamed as Gilbert stared into her eyes in concern.

As quickly as the pain came on, it subsided and Anne encouraged Gilbert to move. Gilbert’s thrusts started out slow and shallow, but he increased his speed as the tightening sensation in his belly increased. Anne moaned loudly, sinking her teeth into his shoulder as he pounded balls-deep into her cunt. Gilbert didn’t last long—maybe seven minutes—before he was spilling into the condom inside of her. As Gilbert froze above her, Anne reached a hand between them to massage her clit until her cunt was contracting around him, milking the last of his orgasm.

Later, after Gilbert had discarded the condom, they laid together in silence, limbs tangled together. Marginally more experienced than Anne, Gilbert couldn’t help but revel in how much _more_ he felt with Anne than he ever had with Winnie. Although Winnie had afforded him a bit of experience that hopefully made things much better for Anne, he couldn’t help but wish that his first time had been with her. Everything seemed significantly more…right with the redhead wrapped up in his arms. Winnie was a lovely girl, but everything with her had felt forced as Gilbert struggled to feel any sort of emotion during the time when he thought he had lost Anne forever.

Sleeping with Winnie had been selfish, and Gilbert had paid no mind to her pleasure, but with Anne… He wanted to make Anne feel so good and so loved. Hopefully, he had succeeded.

“I’m sorry.” Anne’s shaky tone pulled Gilbert from his thoughts. Speaking of Anne, instead of revelling in the afterglow, she was worrying that Gilbert regretted what they had done. She was ashamed that she had cried when he first entered her, certain that she had failed to live up to whatever expectations Winifred had set for him.

“Whatever for, Anne-girl?” Gilbert asked, concerned. “You were _amazing_. I didn’t hurt you too much, did I?”

“You don’t have to be nice to me, you know,” sighed Anne. “I know I was awful.”

“What!? Anne, no!” There was a hint of outrage in Gilbert’s voice as Anne turned in his arms to face him, eyes slightly red rimmed. His heart could have broken at the sight if he wasn’t so worried that he had hurt her somehow.

“I know it was terrible, Gil. You don’t have to lie to me.”

Gilbert tucked a loose fiery strand behind Anne’s ear before pulling her tight against his chest.

“Not at all! At least not for me. Was it bad for you?”

Anne shook her head almost instantly. She was well aware that Gilbert knew how to make her feel good, but _that_ good? She never could have imagined it.

“But Winnie…” she began.

“—was a mistake,” Gilbert cut her off before she got a chance to finish. “I love you so much, Anne-girl. Sex with Winifred doesn’t hold a candle to what we just did. I felt nothing when I was with her. With you, I feel so much, I can’t begin to describe.”

“Really?”

“Really,” Gilbert affirmed, pressing his lips against hers, putting all the love he could muster into a searing kiss. “I am so in love with you, Anne Shirley Cuthbert,” he breathed between kisses.

“I’m in love with you too, Gil, _scandalously_ ,” she murmured, allowing him to continue his ministrations. In mere minutes, Anne was moaning his name, the blonde woman forgotten entirely.

* * *

_To kiss in cars and downtown bars  
Was all we needed  
You drew stars around my scars  
But now I'm bleedin'_

Three-and-a-half years later, Anne and Gilbert were just as in love as they had been at eighteen. Living together had presented some challenges early on, but neither regretted their decision one bit when they heard their friends’ horror stories about randomly assigned roommates, communal shower facilities, and sexiles. In turn, their friends teased them that if they hadn’t moved in together, they would be all too guilty of sexile the poor folks who ended up assigned to share their rooms.

Regardless, it was nice to have their own space to study in when the library was too overcrowded, and it was even better to come home to one another after a particularly trying day. They had been lucky enough to secure a small two-bedroom flat a reasonable walking distance from the University of Toronto and Anne had taken great joy in turning their second room into a small study, complete with endless bookshelves and potted plants.

It was a sunny day in early April when Anne came home to find Gilbert standing in their kitchen, staring at a small stack of envelopes in his hands. Anne was quick to set her back down and drop her keys in their place on the counter before joining him.

“Are those?”

“Yeah.” He sounded nervous, not that he needed to be if anyone asked Anne. Gilbert had maintained a 3.90 GPA throughout the first seven semesters of his undergraduate degree and was among the top students in the biological sciences and pre-medical program. Getting into medical school was not a question for Gilbert. Getting into the _right_ med school, however…

“Where should I start?” The stack of envelopes was thick. Despite Anne’s insistence that he needn’t apply everywhere, Gilbert had not wanted to take any chances.

“Toronto,” Anne suggested. They had agreed that wherever they ended up after graduation depended on where Gilbert got into medical school. At the very top of her class, Anne could find a teaching job just about anywhere and, if she didn’t; she had double-majored in Journalism, so she could always write freelance until the right opportunity came along. “That’s our top choice, right? Start with the one you want most, so you don’t get your hope up if it’s not the answer you wanted from them.”

Gilbert nodded, tearing the envelope slowly. Minutes went by as Anne watched him stare at the piece of paper in his hands. “Gil?” she asked, worried that he had been rejected. Although she would be proud of him no matter what any of the letters said, they had come to love living in Toronto and were hopeful that Gilbert’s education would afford them at least a few more years in the city before they returned to Prince Edward Island to raise their family.

“I…I got in.” He looked at Anne in disbelief before a large grin broke out across his face. “I GOT IN! We’re staying in Toronto!”

Anne leapt into her boyfriend’s arms, surging forward to capture his lips in a searing kiss. “I am _so proud_ of you!” she praised him on his success when they broke for air. “Put the leftovers in the freezer so they don’t spoil and let me go change my shirt. We’re going out to celebrate tonight.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Celebrate they did. A bit too much, Anne realised as she held a third positive pregnancy test in her hands three weeks later. Anne’s chest tightened as her body was wracked with anxiety. Graduation was just weeks away; Gilbert would be starting medical school not long before Anne would be entering her third trimester. The next three years would be challenging enough for him without having to worry about raising a child. How could she burden him with so much responsibility when he already had so much on his plate?

Anne rubbed a hand over her stomach. It was still flat, but for how much longer? “No matter what happens, it’s you and me,” she murmured to the flat expanse of skin. She grew up never knowing her parents. She couldn’t promise this baby much, but she could guarantee that it would never doubt how much she loved him or her. She couldn’t help the tears that began to fall as she thought about raising her baby alone. She _hoped_ that Gilbert would want this child as much as she was beginning to; they had talked about creating a family of their own someday. However, someday was far in the future when Gilbert had the postnominal M.D. after his name, not as he was just beginning to work toward that title.

That was how Gilbert found his girlfriend when he returned home from his study group; crying on the bathroom counter, holding one plastic stick with two others beside her.

“What’s the matter?” Gilbert asked, unsure of what the test results were.

“Oh, Gil, I’m sorry…I don’t know how this happened,” she apologised rapidly. “We were so careful.” Gilbert stepped toward her and too the test out of her hands. Sure enough, there were two parallel lines, indicating that they were indeed pregnant.

“Hey now,” he spoke tenderly, “What do you have to be sorry about?” They had both been so busy revising for exams lately that neither one had enough energy sex…not since the night Gilbert had been accepted to the medial programme, and Anne had been ill with a sinus infection the week before. There was no other time that it could have happened. “I’m about to be a med student. I should have remembered that antibiotics might render your pills ineffective for a few weeks.” He took Anne’s hands in his. “We’re going to have a baby!”

“Yeah,” Anne confirmed, relieved that Gilbert seemed more excited than anything else. “You aren’t angry with me?”

“I know it’s a bit sooner than either of us planned, but we did agree that we want to have kids someday. It won’t be easy and I’m sure reality will sink in eventually and I’ll start to panic, but Anne-girl, we’re going to have a baby! A baby!”

Tenderly, he lifted the hem of Anne’s shirt and pressed a light kiss just below her navel. “Hi, baby, I can’t wait to meet you,” he whispered, causing Anne to chuckle and roll her eyes though her heart was bursting with adoration for her husband.

“It’s still just a tiny ball of cells, Gil. It won’t be able to hear you for a few months.”

Gilbert shrugged. “Just because it doesn’t have ears yet doesn’t mean it can’t hear us. We don’t know for sure…” he argued. “This kid is going to be so lucky to have you as its mummy.”

Anne wrapped her arms around Gilbert’s neck, tugging him up into a gentile kiss. “And you’re going to be a wonderful daddy.”

That night, as they cuddled together on the couch discussing baby names, Anne felt so incredibly lucky to have such a loving and supportive partner.

* * *

_'Cause I knew you  
Steppin' on the last train  
Marked me like a bloodstain, I  
I knew you  
Tried to change the ending  
Peter losing Wendy, I  
I knew you  
Leavin' like a father  
Running like water, I  
And when you are young, they assume you know nothing_

Eighteen weeks. Eighteen blissful weeks. Anne’s bump was still small, but quite noticeable as it seemed to be growing bigger by the day. Although the pregnancy had come as a surprise, years earlier than Anne and Gilbert had planned to start building their family, the initial shock had worn off; the fears had subsided, and both were looking forward to becoming parents. Anne was due in early January, which meant that Gilbert would (hopefully) still be on Christmas break when the baby was born and would be finishing his final exams right around the time Anne’s maternity leave expired. They would even have enough time to take a family trip back to Avonlea between the end of Anne’s school year and the start of Gilbert’s summer semester began.

In the meantime, Anne and Gilbert were busy converting their office into a little nursery. Gilbert would be beginning medical school in September right around the same time Anne started her first year of teaching high school English Literature. They wanted to make sure that they were as prepared for baby Joy or John’s arrival as they could be before they entered a new, tumultuous stage in their professional lives.

As the summer wore on, Anne honestly couldn’t believe that she had ever doubted Gilbert’s devotion to her and their unborn baby. Throughout the beginning of their first trimester, he was attentive, overbearingly so to the point of frustration. The final straw was when Gilbert refused to let Anne carry their dinner from the oven to the table. A night of crying behind a locked bedroom door in frustration for Anne and an uncomfortable night on their lumpy second-hand couch for Gilbert was enough to solve that problem and he had been nothing but doting ever since. It warmed Anne’s heart whenever Gilbert spoke to her belly—even though she kept reminding him that “the baby can’t even hear you yet Gil.” Anne also found it adorable how he would absentmindedly massage the small bump as he was drifting off sleep.

Despite their busy and conflicting schedules early on in the first trimester as they finished the last of their undergraduate exams, Gilbert had attended nearly every doctor’s appointment and had even teared up at the first ultrasound—something he vehemently denied.

The couple had been so excited for each appointment, but never so much as they were this morning as they sat in the familiar waiting room having arrived nearly an hour early. At eighteen weeks, they were hopeful to find out the gender.

As always, Gilbert gripped Anne’s hand loosely as the ultrasound tech squirted the cool gel onto her stomach, chuckling as she flinched at the cold. Before they knew it, the woman was pulling the image of their foetus onto the screen. However, unlike previous visits where she had pointed out the distinguishable features of their child, the tech was quiet and excused herself for a moment.

Anne began to worry. “Gil…what if something’s wrong?”

“I’m sure it’s nothing, Anne-girl,” Gilbert did his best to reassure her, but Anne could feel his hand tense in hers. They thought that those ten minutes where they were waiting alone in the examination room were the worst of their lives, but they could not have been more wrong.

When the technician returned with a doctor, Anne could barely register the words beyond “no heartbeat,” “miscarriage,” and “delivery options.” She was in shock, unable to process what was happening around her. The doctor had to repeat her options three times while Gilbert reassured her that he would support whatever decision she made. Anne wanted to scream, she wanted to force Gilbert to call the shots for once, but all she could do was stare at the doctor in silence. Eventually, she was able to nod in agreement to a D&C procedure. The last thing she remembered before the anaesthesia took hold was Gilbert clasping her hand in a death grip, heart wrenching grief and devastation in his eyes.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Gilbert had only felt this numb once in his life—when he thought he had lost Anne forever. Nothing could have prepared him for losing a child, even one that he never got to meet. In the two weeks following their life-shattering trip to the OB, Anne and Gilbert seemed to age years; no longer the excited kids who had crossed the graduation stage mere weeks ago, shiny new bachelor’s degrees in-hand.

Neither Anne nor Gilbert had any sort of appetite all week, nor were they sleeping through the night. Anne knew that Gilbert cried when he thought she wasn’t looking, but she couldn’t. She desperately wanted to feel something, _anything_ besides the worry that Gilbert might hate her for losing their little girl—a little girl whose cold, lifeless and underdeveloped body they got to hold for a few excruciating minutes before she was whisked off to the mortuary. Ever since she had found out about the little life growing inside her, Anne had looked forward to the day when she would get to bring her child home for the first time, but she never imagined that the baby would be nothing more than a tiny chest of ashes.

It took two weeks of going through the motions before Anne finally broke down. She was sat in their living room, trying to find something to watch while Gilbert napped down the hall in their bed when her dam of emotion finally broke and she began to sob uncontrollably. That was how Gilbert found her several minutes later, when he emerged from their room.

Immediately, Gilbert was by her side, wrapping his arms tightly around her shoulders, tugging her into his lap.

“I’m sorry,” Anne sobbed against his chest.

“Anne-girl, you are so strong, _so strong._ I can’t even begin to imagine what you’ve been going through.” Gilbert gripped both of her hands in his firmly, massaging the backs of her knuckles with his thumbs.

“Sh-she w-was yours too,” Anne replied, voice shaky.

“She was,” Gilbert agreed. “And I don’t think I could ever love her any less than you do, but Anne, you _carried_ her. For four months, she grew inside you.” Gilbert rubbed a hand over Anne’s still swollen belly affectionately, heart breaking as she flinched away from him. “ _Your_ body changed to grow a little human—”

“ _Failed_ to grow,” Anne snapped, hurt evident in her voice. “Maybe it’s a sign, Gil. Maybe I’m not meant to have a family of my own.” Her voice quieted. “Maybe you should find someone else, someone who can give you children.”

Gilbert struggled to blink back tears. “ _Anne,_ ” he spoke her name with such tenderness. “One miscarriage does not equal infertility. This is _not_ your fault. One in four pregnancies does not survive to term, but recurrent miscarriages are uncommon. Trust me, I’m a doctor…well, sort of, you know what I mean.” Anne tried not to chuckle at the horrible line, but failed to hide her slight smile. “And even if we couldn’t have kids of our own, we have options. Adoption worked out well in the end for you.”

“Hmmm,” Anne agreed.

“Like it or not, you’re stuck with me, Shirley. My heart decided on you long ago. Children or no children, that will never change. In fact…” Gilbert stood from the couch and returned moments later with a small box in his hand.

“I was planning on waiting until after Joy was born; I didn’t want you to think that she was the only reason I wanted to marry you,” Gilbert explained, opening the small box to reveal a small gold band containing a circlet of pearls. “Anne-girl, I’m pretty sure I’ve been in love with you ever since you poured your milk carton over my head all those years ago. We’ve been through far too much heartache and suffering in our short lives, but you are my greatest source of happiness and loving you has been the very best adventure. Will you marry me?”

Anne nodded, unable to speak, and held out her left hand for Gilbert to slide the ring onto her finger. When they embraced, neither was sure if their shared tears were ones of joy or sorrow, but Anne was sure that she had never loved Gilbert more.

There would be weeks of mourning. Losing a child was a traumatic experience, one that Anne and Gilbert would carry with them forever, but as long as they had each other, Anne knew that she might someday be okay again.

* * *

_But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss  
I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs  
The smell of smoke would hang around this long  
'Cause I knew everything when I was young  
I knew I'd curse you for the longest time  
Chasin' shadows in the grocery line  
I knew you'd miss me once the thrill expired  
And you'd be standin' in my front porch light  
And I knew you'd come back to me  
You'd come back to me  
And you'd come back to me  
And you'd come back_

The morning of Anne’s wedding day dawned bright and early when she woke up in a panic, jostling the person beside her in the process. She was excited to marry Gilbert and the wedding had been a long time coming, their engagement lasting over three years as they wanted to wait until Gilbert began his residency to tie the knot.

They had been so excited when Gilbert was matched with his top choice residency programme, surgery at the Queen Elizabeth in Charlottetown as it meant that, not only would they get to return to the island, but they would be close to the friends and family that they had left behind during their years in Ontario. Well, they had both been excited until Anne decided to drop by with a coffee for her fiancé only to discover that none other than Winifred Rose was a nurse on the surgical floor. And she looked even more stunning than Anne remembered.

Anne hadn’t thought about Winifred in years and Gilbert had not given her any reason to doubt his devotion in the nearly eight years since she had learnt about his brief affair. However, mere hours away from meeting Gilbert at the far end of the aisle, Anne couldn’t help but wonder if Gilbert might have been better off with someone like Winifred.

The couple hadn’t had a single pregnancy scare in the three years since they’d buried their firstborn, but the idea that Anne might be incapable of providing Gilbert with the family that they both so desperately wanted was always at the back of her mind.

“Whassamatter?” Diana Wright mumbled from beside Anne, still half asleep.

“Do you think I’m making a mistake, Di?” The raven-haired girl rolled over to face her best friend. Diana had been the obvious choice for maid of honour and she was taking her duties very seriously, insisting on having Anne stay overnight at hers to ensure that the soon-to-be newlyweds didn’t see each other before the wedding. She had even enlisted her husband to babysit Gilbert, not trusting the man to stay away from Anne for too long.

“No,” Diana murmured, slowly waking up. “Do you?”

“Oh, I know I want to marry Gilbert. More than anything, but what if he regrets choosing me?”

Diana sat upright and retrieved a blank envelope from the drawer on her nightstand. “Read this. Then ask me again if I think Gilbert has any reservations about marrying you.”

Anne took the envelope, curious, tearing open the seal. When she unfolded the letter, Anne recognised the handwriting instantly; Gilbert’s untidy scrawl.  
  


_Dearest Wife,_

_I know we aren’t married quite yet, but as far as I’m concerned, the only things that are about to change are the addition of a pair of rings on our fingers and your last name. I’ll keep this brief because if I know you as well as I think I do, you’re going to be overthinking everything and Diana’s going to have a steep enough task making sure that you aren’t late. Before we meet at the altar, I wanted to tell you one last time how much I love you and can’t wait to spend the rest of our lives loving you._

_Your (almost) husband,_

_Gil_

_P.S. Check the front pocket of your bag. I know you’ve probably already got something old, but my mother found the earrings that match your engagement ring when she was clearing out a box of my grandmother’s things and we both agreed that they should belong to you._

Every ounce of anxiety Anne had felt when she woke up melted away. Sure enough, there was a small jewellery box nestled into the front of her overnight bag. Anne opened it to reveal a pair of delicate pearl post earrings, which she wasted no time in trying on.

“Come on, Di!” She bounced onto the bed beside her dear bosom friend who had fallen back asleep. “It’s my wedding day and we have so much to do!”

* * *

_And when I felt like I was an old cardigan_  
Under someone's bed  
You put me on and said I was your favorite

“Is he asleep?” Anne hears Gilbert ask softly from the doorway as he steps into the pale yellow and grey room.

“Almost,” she replies, smiling as the tiny bundle in her arms stretches out with a yawn that seems much too big for someone so small. At seven weeks old, James Matthew Blythe hasn’t quite yet managed to sleep through the night, but his parents are learning that if they put him down around seven-thirty, neither will have to wake until around four.

Anne feels an arm wrap around her waist from behind as Gilbert joins his wife in admiring their son as she rocks him gently. Soft lips make contact with her temple as she leans into her husband.

James had been fussier than usual all afternoon, so it is quite the relief that he seems to be settling down calmly as if he knows better than to test his parents’ unwavering patience. It’s not long before Anne’s laying him down in his crib, carefully checking to make sure his sleep sack is zipped snugly around his tiny body.

The new parents close their son’s bedroom door quietly, but not before Gilbert checks to make sure that the baby monitor is turned on, camera trained on James.

Stifling a yawn himself, Gilbert walks down the hall of their new house toward their bedroom, quietly calling out, “I’m absolutely knackered, Anne-girl. I think it’ll be an early bedtime for me today.”

“Mhmm,” Anne hums in agreement. It’s barely eight o’clock, but having a new born is absolutely exhausting. And unlike Gilbert, Anne isn’t in her third year of surgical residency. However, she muses as they change into their nightwear, she would not change a thing. Although she missed her students dearly while on maternity leave, being a mother to James has rapidly become her most favourite adventure. Better yet, it is an adventure that she gets to experience with her absolute best friend.

Gilbert’s breathing evens out quickly as he falls asleep beside her, exhausted from a long day of assisting on surgeries and an evening of trying to soothe his infant son—who really seemed to hate baths for some reason. Anne lays awake for a bit longer, snuggled into the warmth of her husband, who instinctually rolls over and wraps an arm around her.

On schedule, James will wake up at four A.M., demanding to be fed. By the time Anne finishes nursing him, Gilbert will be heading out the door for early morning rounds. James will let Anne go back to sleep for just a few short hours longer before he’s at his most alert, screaming in his cot for his mother to change yet another foul-smelling diaper, but she won’t mind in the least so long as Gilbert takes over diaper duty when he returns home—which he will most undoubtedly do. It’s been years since Anne last worried that Gilbert might leave her, might find someone who could give him more than she was capable of. In their nearly three years of marriage, Gilbert has not once given Anne a reason to doubt him. Come to think of it, in the decade since they had reconciled on the porch of Green Gables, Gilbert had proven himself time and again.

Their relationship isn’t perfect. They’ll undoubtedly argue more times than they can keep track of, but as their family continues to grow, their love for one another will remain strong as ever. Before they became lovers, they had been best friends. In that regard, nothing has changed. Gilbert has always been there whenever Anne has needed him and she has no doubt that will ever change.

Smiling in contentment, Anne drifts off to sleep. Right where she belongs.

**Author's Note:**

> Wow was this one a rollercoaster to write and I hope it was worth the wait! In addition to being the longest piece of fic I've ever written, some parts were really difficult and emotionally draining to tackle.
> 
> Thanks for reading! I can't wait to hear your thoughts!


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